


Dark Chocolate

by Malefistache (Swan3ills)



Category: Once Upon A Time - Fandom, swan queen - Fandom
Genre: Crack, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 07:08:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4994962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swan3ills/pseuds/Malefistache
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma has been working hard, terrorizing the small town that is Storybrooke as part of her new job as the Dork One. It's a cold winter night and when she comes back home after a rough day, her wife wants to make it special. Regina wants to keep her warm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Chocolate

**Author's Note:**

> A hater made me realize I have a "RABID need for Housewife!Regina and DOrk!Swan", so, naturally, I had to fulfill my fantasy. Obviously I'm being sarcastic, but it was a funny idea to make something cracky out of an annoying message. I hope you can have a laugh!

As always, Regina was in the kitchen, boiling some water before adding cocoa into it. Her evil wife, the Dork One, would be there any moment and she better have her hot coco ready. It was a cruel winter in Storybrooke and not even the devil could escape its frostbite, but Regina knew the way to keep her warm. She would always keep Miss Swan warm.

 

“Honey, I’m home!”

 

With her deeper voice Emma greeted. She took off her mean black beanie, dusting some snow off the top it and left it on one of the small tables in the foyer.

 

“Hey, sweetie! How was work? Murder anyone today, made any deals?” Regina asked.

 

Her back was to the Dark Swan as the leather-clad woman entered the kitchen to meet with the brunette bombshell.

 

“No, but I did give the nuns some _bang_  for their  _buck_  to last them a lifetime.” Emma told her, laughing, and came to stand across from her, resting her elbows on the kitchen island as she watched her wife prep her beverage.

 

“Oh, Emma. What did you do this time?” Regina turned down the heat and stirred some milk into the mix.

 

“Let’s say those _‘virginal’_ fairies,” Emma made quote marks in the air, “will never look at soap the same way again.” 

 

“Was it the spell of  _filthy release_ , from the lovers’ tome?” Regina asked her as she poured the hot cocoa into Emma’s favorite cup; a tall, black mug that had an inverted pentagram in red paint that simulated dripping blood. “Think I saw you bookmark the page.”

 

“Yep. I pimped up their  _‘penitence soap’_  so it would do the contrary and let their most secret desires rise to the very surface; become fully uninhibited. Needless to say, those fairies are  _letting it go_  as we speak,” she laughed manically. “One of them even got it on with a dwarf — Grumpy. Imagine that.” Emma was very proud of her misdeed. 

 

“I would much rather not. You’re such a bad, bad Swan,” Regina shook her head in disapproval but was smiling. “Oh, the cream!” She reached for the can in the fridge to add the topping to the warm beverage. “I know howyou like it whipped.” Regina winked at her and pushed the mug across the marble counter for Emma.

 

“Oh yeah. All over my hot treat,  _my_ Majesty,” Emma held her gaze on Regina as she dipped a finger into the cream and had a lascivious taste. “Sweet… But looks like  _someone_ forgot to add some _sin_ …namon to it,” she raised an accusing eyebrow at the other woman.

 

“Oh, did I? Let me fix it.”

 

Regina reached for the cinnamon she’d left on the kitchen island, which was right next to Emma’s hand, by the way (not that it matters), leaning lower than necessary so the Dark Swan had a good view of her sexy cleavage. She locked gazes with Emma as she sprinkled the spice all over the whipped cream.

 

“Enjoy your coco,” she said in sensual tone.

 

Emma looked with predatory eyes at Regina as the brunette was now leaving the kitchen, slowly swaying her hips inside that tight pencil skirt Emma wanted to rip off, expecting to be followed by her evil lover.

 

Enthralled by the hypnotizing sway of regal curves, the Dark Swan swallowed quickly, intending to be fast behind her woman, but she burnt her tongue and spilled the hot cocoa all over her evil self.

 

“Fuck! Really?” She was a sticky mess of tasty darkness.

 

“Are you alright, Emma?” Regina came back to the kitchen, took a clean cloth and tried to pat Emma’s black leather jacket dry. “Look at this mess… Always giving me _dirty_ work,” Regina groaned.

 

“Well, this was your fault… It was your sexy, domestic, irresistible fault.” The Dork One replied, licking her lips as she glanced down at Regina's.

 

“Then I suppose I should be the one taking you out of these dirty clothes and get you  _clean,_ ” Regina said in husky voice as her hands slowly undid Emma’s jacket. “So what do you say if we take this  _filthy_ Swan to the tub?”

 

“Hell yeah. That's an idea.” 

 

With a flourish of Emma’s hand, a swirl of black smoke engulfed them, and soon Regina felt warm water. The Dark One had transported them to the hot tub, but forgot a little detail: their clothing was still on. 

 

“Look at this, Miss Swan, you’ve gotten me all wet,” Regina shook her finger in disapproval.

 

“Now we’re even,” Emma winked.

 

“Come here you dork.” 

 

Regina pulled her into a kiss and later they got each other off. Many times. Forever.

The End. 


End file.
